How to Create an In / Out List for Positive Change
Here it is, The New Year. In all its glory, possibility and hope. Or, may it’s tempered with uncertainty, random chance and despair.
If you have a teen, it may be the later. A sense of fear and anxiety over what may come.
But most likely, it’s a mix of the two.
Which is perfectly normal. Many adolescents are excited for what the year can hold but fearful things won’t change and they'’ll be stuck in the same predicament, and they’re often unsure of what to do next.
The beginning of the year marks a point in time that allows us to think new, take a pause and consider our situation with positive change in mind.
The Fresh Start Effect
It’s called the Fresh Start Effect, basically a “temporal landmark” or distinct date in the calendar that allows us to take a different approach. It’s a big part of why we have new year resolutions.
But what if formal resolutions aren’t exactly your teenager’s thing? After all, it takes time, deep thought, planning, tracking and follow-through.
That’s ok. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
The good news is there’s another simpler, easier and more fun approach than formal goal-setting and it addresses multiple changes all at once.
The key is:
Ø customizing the list
Ø implementing with daily reminders to create unconscious habits
So if you have a teen who wants to make a few small and consistent changes that impact their life in a big way, then teach them how to create an In / Out list.
The In / Out List
The basis of this concept is built around identifying things to keep or add into your life versus those to get out or let go of.
You might see it on social media as Ins and Outs lists.
The In list identifies what the author wants to keep. All that is going well, or want to add into their life that brings joy, is good for them, or improves their relationships with themself or others.
While the Outs are releases of things that aren’t going so well.
Think of beliefs that are blocking change, habits that are unhealthy, or behaviors in relationships that aren’t productive, kind or loving.
How to get started
An In / Out List is quick and easy to create.
Have your teen grab a sheet of paper and a pencil, a computer, tablet or phone.
On their paper or blank screen, create two columns.
1). The In Column
On the left start with the adds and keepers. Title it “Ins”.
What your teen wants to let into their life that is positive and good.
2). The Out Column
On the right create a second column titled “Outs”— what your teen wants to let go of or get out of their life.
For maximum benefit, have them just start writing and do a complete brain dump under each column. What are all the In’s they can think of? Then what are all the Outs?
Encourage a solid list of outs. Things that can clear space in their time, mental energy or in their health. A quality list of Out’s will effectively clear the clutter in their life.
In doing so, they also open space for the In’s.
Sample Ins and Outs
Popular changes you or your teen might be seeing, that help kick-start thinking:
Ins:
- Celebrating the small wins in life
- Saying no
- Building deeper friendships
- Taking a deep, conscious breath before reacting
- Standing up for myself
- Practice self-compassion when I struggle or fail
- Eating with balance and joy
- Eating for health not weight
- Appreciating and loving my body as it is
- Practice heartfelt persistance
- Slow movement (this is a popular one this year and can mean different things to different people. It might mean walking and slow pilates. Or yoga and slow weight resistance training. Find what works for you if you’re interested in slow movement.
- Building confidence in myself, daily
- Nurturing deep friendships over friends with benefits
- Whole, natural foods over fast foods
- Taking calculated risks
- Practicing little acts of kindness
- Thinking out solutions
- Daily recaps of the positives from the day (a different way of doing positive affirmations that I’ve talked about before)
Outs:
- People pleasing
- Comparing myself to others
- Making excuses to avoid challenges
- Overexercising
- Starving or depriving myself
- Blaming
- Worry about the future (focus on the NOW)
- Fixation on calories and carbs
- Worrying about other’s opinions
- Judging myself and abilities
- Following social accounts that leave me feeling bad
- Toxic or superficial friendships
- Negative thoughts on my body and appearance
- Overscheduling
- Ultra-processed foods
- Eating junk food that makes me feel crappy
- Emotional eating
- Avoiding what intimidates me
- Expecting perfection
- Holding resentment
Take some of these and customize them, or create completely new ones.
All these can apply to many of us, but the key for your teen is finding the Ins/Outs that are specifically theirs. Not copied from others.
Have your teen come up with their own Ins and Outs by taking time to think deeply about their past year, what did and didn’t go well? Then identify which to keep or add In and which to get out of their life moving forward.
This should be completely your teens, not what you believe or what they copy and paste from someone else.
Reinforce for Success
You’re not done yet!
Once your teen has brainstormed, I’d recommend the following strategies to reinforce:
1). Narrow down to a reasonable list of between 5 and 10 of each: Ins and Outs.
Draft a new, clean list of these final phrases.
2). Post in multiple places.
Have your teen create their list as wallpaper on their phone to view it daily.
A bright colored background that grabs attention and updating it weekly keeps it fresh.
Post their list on their bathroom mirror where they see it every morning and night. Viewing it while they brush their teeth becomes part of a daily ritual. Two minutes to brush teeth, 2 minutes to think about ins and outs for the day.
Alternatively, encourage them to post it somewhere in their bedroom. On the wall, a mirror, their nightstand, on the front of a daily journal, or whatever works best and ensures most follow-through.
Ideally, a method that encourages they pick it up and look at it each night before bed or every morning to set intentions for the day. Whatever their daily habit might be, incorporate their list into that.
Other ideas:
On the fridge at home,
In a school notebook, or a locker.
Turn it into a song or a poem.
Post it on social as a personal statement.
The main objective is incorporating it into their daily habits so it’s consistently fresh and present in their mind.
The more they turn “Ins” into the daily actions and release “Outs” with greater consistency, the greater the lasting effect!
So get started on your list today.
For additional help
If you’d like more support with your teen’s In’s and Outs, if you’d like to help them make deep and lasting change in 2024, then I can help you in 3 ways:
1). Follow the Healthy Teen Life podcast here so you don’t miss an episode. You’ll both consistently learn new, healthy habits and strategies throughout the year that support your teen’s healthy efforts.
2). To make deep and lasting change: Sign up for my Group Coaching program Teen Esteem Healthy Reset 2024, starting January 17 or get on the waitlist for a future coaching group.
3). Contact me regarding 1:1 coaching to work on your specific health and wellnesss change for 2024.
Wishing you and your’s a happy and healthy 2024.
The power is in your hands to make it a fantastic year and I’m here to support you along the way!