Gratitude Practice for Teenagers – it isn’t just for the holidays
Gratitude - not just for the holidays
We should be teaching thankfulness as a year-round behavior.
Sometimes life can feel stressful, unfair, lonely, and overwhelming. This can be the case throughout the year and often seems to be magnified during the holidays. While we think much of these are adult challenges, the same can and does apply to teenagers.
Teens also experience family conflict and tension, stress of holiday schedules, difficulty controlling their eating, feelings of being “less than”, and comparing to friends who receive amazing gifts, or, on the flip side feeling disappointed and let down with what they receive.
But this isn’t just isolated to the holidays, they are facing other stressors continuously throughout the year.
Academically they’re overwhelmed with assignments, tests, extracurriculars and performance expectations.
Socially, they’re trying to cope with comparison, social status, body discomfort, envy, and acceptance.
It can all lead to greater feelings of sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, any time of the year.
After all, don’t we tell our teens they should feel joyful and happy? “You’re in the best time of your life”, or they should feel connected and accepted? “You’re single and free, you’re beautiful and witty, just socialize and have fun, everyone will love you!” Often it only makes it worse.
But there is an easy and free strategy that can help shift all of that to the positive.
It’s gratitude and it’s a practice that shouldn’t just be observed during the holidays when we believe we should be thankful. Instead, we should be teaching thankfulness as a year-round behavior.
In this article I’ll cover what it does, why it’s important and how teens can practice it.
Why Gratitude?
It helps teens see that they are connected with others, and they do receive and give value
The reality is, much of society and media today, focuses on materialism, celebrity, and wealth. These are all highly visible to teens using social media and can cause negative outcomes on their personal intrinsic values like self-worth and esteem.
At a time when this adolescent generation has the greatest access and ability to connect with others, loneliness is at it’s highest levels ever. Teens report feeling lonelier in the last few years when compared to their peers in past generations. And it continues to grow.
Some of this is driven by social media which ideally could be the conduit for connection but ironically is just the opposite causing comparison and separation by creating feelings of inadequacy and unacceptance.
This is where gratitude can come in. It may sound odd, after all how can gratitude help with things like loneliness, materialism, and comparison?
By practicing gratitude, it creates a shift in perspective about self and the world around. It helps teenagers to see the good and not be concerned with superficial, meaningless interactions and relationships.
It helps teens see that they are connected with others, and they do receive and give value.
Blame, shame, and not believing in themselves or feeling less-than, hating their body and themselves are not uncommon challenges among teens.
Gratitude can help teens be less self-focused and less self-judging, shifting them out of shame and blame and into optimism and caring.
But it’s hard for teens to be grateful for others if they’re not even grateful for their own body, mind and abilities, When they hate themselves or think they’re not as good as other’s, or worse, they’ve given up hope and don’t see a future, it’s hard to feel grateful to anyone or for anything.
This is where gratitude practice comes in and can make a big difference in a teenager’s life.
Gratitude can be an effective tool to improve positive feelings and beliefs, while shifting and changing negative thoughts and mindset.
Benefits of Gratitude Practice
Practicing gratitude focuses on deeper and richer engagements of interpersonal relationships and helps positively develop personal growth
Studies show gratitude practice has the potential to protect against depression and anxiety among teens.
The more someone shifts internal thinking to an extrinsic or external perspective, the more they can help improve these conditions. (Wood et al.’s (2008) longitudinal studies)
Even better, the more focus placed on internal goals and feelings of gratitude for themselves and others, the less they are likely to focus on materialistic things like reputation, wealth, or social status.
Instead, it helps to focus on deeper and richer engagements of interpersonal relationships and helps positively develop personal growth (Froh et al., 2011).
Research conducted by Robert Emmons, who’s a leading scientific expert on gratitude at the University of California at Davis, also convincingly shows that teens who follow a gratitude practice, when compared with their less grateful peers, are happier and more satisfied with their lives, friends, family, neighborhood, and themselves.
These teens also reported:
fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression,
improved self-esteem,
more optimism, hope, and happiness,
enhanced engagement with your hobbies,
higher GPAs,
healthier eating, better physical health, better sleep,
stronger social connections,
Plus:
less envy, depression, and materialism.
If that’s true, then how or why does it work?
Because according to Robert Emmons, “it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.” Gratitude strengthens our relationships. He says, “because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.”
Gratitude also isn’t just an “in the moment” feeling. Gratitude has a cumulative effect, meaning it adds up over time creating a lasting effect.
Most of all, gratitude practice helps people step outside of themselves and see a wider view of the world around them. When times are difficult this enhanced perspective helps to focus on the fact that there is plenty of good in the world.
One of the greatest benefits is gratitude helps teenagers to look at what they have vs. what they don’t have.
It shifts the outwardly motivated thoughts and behaviors of comparison, envy, and materialism to instead focus on what is already in their possession and highlights the value of that.
Practicing Gratitude
Although not difficult to adopt and implement, It takes thoughtful intention and consistency to begin gratitude practice. Many teenagers just don’t know how or where to start
Unfortunately, if it’s not taught and maintained from a young age, gratitude doesn’t come naturally for many teens. Developmentally, they’re brains are shifting from a young child that is grateful for concrete things to transitioning into adults and learning to be more grateful for contextual things. But in the meantime, they still have a tendency towards internalized self-focus, making it difficult to completely view the world from a broader perspective.
Although not difficult to adopt and implement, It takes thoughtful intention and consistency to begin gratitude practice. Many teenagers just don’t know how or where to start.
The following practices are based on studies conducted with adolescents and young adults which indicate they have the potential to improve positive attributes while decreasing other negative attributes.
Some widely practiced and some lesser known but all can be easily applied.
You can share the Gratitude episode of the Healthy Teen Life podcast with your teen, to listen and discover how they can practice gratitude in a way that works for them.
Following are 10 practices teenagers can choose from:
Gratitude Journaling
One of the most common and widely used forms of gratitude practice, it’s best when implemented as a daily practice of writing down thoughts of gratitude.
Many experts recommend “Three Good Things” which entails writing down three good things that happened in your day or that went well.
When adopting this practice there’s two key elements to include:
1). The thing you’re grateful for needs to be a gift you’ve received from others, nature, a higher power. Not something you bought or earned as part of required action or behavior.
For example, doing a chore that is a weekly responsibility at home.
Yes, it was completed and accomplished but it’s not the thing to be grateful for. However, if because of doing the chore, a new appreciation for hard work and how it builds greater character or determination, is discovered, then that is the gift to focus gratitude on. The transformation and growth that the action contributed. Not the action itself.
2). Identify WHY you’re thankful or grateful for each good thing
In the example above, the character building and how it contributes to the intrinsic values of person, is the why.
I always recommend to my clients to also focus on what they HAVE versus don’t have. This can help open up gratitude for what is already in their life instead of thinking about what is outside their control or actual need.
Adopting a night-time routine of gratitude journaling can also help teens:
a. detach from device screens and outside distractions
b. reflect on positive events of the day, people and events
c. relax and fall asleep with positive thoughts and feelings, helping to reduce stress and anxiety.
At least one study among young adults showed practicing gratitude for approximately 21 days can have lasting results for several months. However, the best practice is creating a consistent habit for long-term results.
2. Gratitude Tree
The second practice, the Gratitude Tree, is a great visual way of recording thankfulness. Similar to journals, there are numerous gratitude tree posters for purchase or download but can easily be drawn on a simple piece of paper.
The idea is to draw the outline of a tree trunk and branches, then each day add a leaf to the tree with a gratitude statement written on it.
3. Thank You Note
Research has shown writing a thank you note and reading it to the recipient of your gratitude, is a highly effective method. It could be a friend, teacher, mentor, or community member.
This method helps the writer to think outside themselves and see the greater good in others and the world around.
The hardest part is reading the first letter to the recipient so to make it easier start with someone close who feels less uncomfortable, then build from there. It’ll get easier and more rewarding each time.
Here’s a few tips to optimize results:
- Create a list of around 15-20 people
o Think about people who inspire, make you feel good, are kind to others, have admirable talents, promote creative thinking or positive change, are innovative, creative, hard workers, or caring leaders.
- Write one letter and test it out on a close relative or friend if more comfortable. Even starting with thanking a pet can help with practice and establish a comfort level.
- Afterwards, think about the feelings experienced and the reactions of the recipient:
o What was the experience like?
o How did they feel?
o How did it make you feel?
o Did you survive?
Even if it was a little rocky, keep going and try it again. Being uncomfortable is good. It promotes learning and growth from the experience.
4. Body Gratitude
Many teenagers are not happy with their body shape, weight, size, or features. Adopting a gratitude practice for their body can be very helpful.
The result is better recognition and appreciation of their body and how it helps to achieve almost everything in their lives. It also promotes teens to take better care of their body in the form of nourishment, exercise, and self-care.
Here’s how to practice body gratitude:
- Start by standing in front of the mirror every morning and compliment at least one part of your body. Thank it for helping you to accomplish a goal or keep you healthy. Focus on what’s good about your body. Don’t allow negative opinions or self-judgement to creep in. Just keep pushing it out of your head and stay steadfast on the one thing you are grateful for. Think about why you’re grateful, how it helps you, what it does for you and how it makes you special. Tell your body or that part of your body you love it. Repeat it numerous times.
This will feel weird at first but with repetition, it gets easier and better!
Studies show that people who are grateful report having healthier habits.
Consciously show gratitude to your body by giving it healthy, nourishing food that optimizes your brain and body heath.
Often when teens eat poorly it’s because of boredom or negative emotions. They treat their bodies badly as a result: overeat, undereat, fill it with processed and sugary, nutrient-deficient foods
Body gratitude practice can also come in the form of self-care like exercise, sleep, meditation, breath work or other well-being practices.
These all contribute to greater strength, stamina, health, energy and vibrancy which in turn, promote more grateful feelings for their body.
5. Social Media
This practice involves using social media as a means to engage with gratitude. Rather than scrolling on by or a quick tap to like, this involves stopping, thinking about how the post or person is appreciated and then providing a meaningful and thoughtful thank you in the post comments.
Did the video cause laughter and happiness? Did it provide helpful information? Is it healthy recipe that improved healthy eating habits?
Taking a few seconds to say thanks, voice a specific appreciation or tell them how they helped promote positive thoughts for both giver and receiver.
6. Text
For teens who are not feeling connected socially, trying a text thank you may be helpful. A recent study among college undergraduate students during the pandemic showed sending a text to a specific person to share gratitude may have an even more positive effect on social connectedness and support than writing a letter or sharing gratitude on social media.
7. Dinner Gratitude
Another widely known gratitude practice, that involves the whole family offering at least one thing each person is grateful for that day.
By having family members share their thanks at dinner, it allows everyone to contribute while also hearing the various ways gratitude can be viewed and appreciated by others.
8. Teach gratitude
Teenagers don’t have many opportunities to teach others, yet they do desire to be respected for what they have learned and know. Teaching gratitude to others is a wonderful way for a teen to learn modeling behavior and pass it on to younger siblings or friends in their social circle or community groups.
9. Volunteer
Volunteering is not just for your teen’s college applications.
When teens volunteer, it helps them to experience good deeds of people outside their immediate circle, and learn how to give of themselves. It provides a different perspective on the community around them.
Volunteering gratitude practice should include taking time to pause and notice other people, what are they doing for others? how do they bring gratitude, appreciation, or joy?
To fully reinforce, journal about what was seen or experienced, or express gratitude to the community members involved.
By reinforcing what they’re seeing and feeling, it helps rewire the brain for greater optimism and happiness.
10. Pursue a Hobby
Having an activity that involves interest and passion is a natural way to build appreciation because it’s already perceived positively in the brain and can be further nourished and developed. Connecting with leaders or like-minded people who share that same passion, can inspire a teen and foster the desire to share the hobby with others, contributing to their well-being.
Give any of these a try to find which best fits. Repeat for at least two to three weeks to begin to see results.
The objective is leveraging a gratitude practice that can be adopted and repeated with consistency, so it becomes routine and natural habit.
It’ll turn from conscious thought into unconscious behavior and just come naturally!