The Most Common Causes of Loneliness for Teens and Young Adults
It's no secret that socialization is a primary need of adolescents and young adults. But when social circles and personal connections are disrupted, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
What defines loneliness?
The traditional definition of loneliness is based mostly on a physical proximity like someone who is isolated or remote, or a basic social situation like lacking friends and companions.
The reality is, in today’s world loneliness is so much more nuanced. Loneliness is less a physical state, and more about a state of mind and emotion.
How does loneliness develop?
To understand how loneliness develops we first have to look at the root of loneliness and its contributors.
At the root of loneliness is the emotion of sadness. Sometimes when we’re emotionally sad, it can trigger feelings of loneliness. Feelings might show up as believing we’re unheard, unaccepted, disconnected, separate or different.
When a teen is the object of meanness or exclusion by friends or even strangers on social media, the initial emotion is often sadness. Yet the outcome feeling may develop into loneliness due to the social separation that was created.
Unfortunately, this can happen a lot these days because teens and young adults encounter more social interactions in 5 minutes than people experience in 5 hours, 30 or 40 years ago.
With more accelerated and higher volume of social input, the more challenging it becomes for teens to manage emotions and feelings without subsequently feeling isolated, separate or disconnected on occasion, if not frequently.
Eight Common Causes of Adolescent Loneliness
Research findings, psychological theories, and general knowledge about adolescent development in fields such as psychology, sociology, and education have all explored various factors contributing to loneliness in adolescents.
Loneliness is different for everyone. It’s a complex mix of social, psychological, and environmental factors but for many teens, there are some commonalities.
Transitions and Changes: Many young people experience transitions such as moving to a new school, parents divorcing, or changes in friendships. For some, it can disrupt their sense of security and stability, making them feel disconnected and lonely.
In transitions like this, it's important to encourage your teen to talk about their feelings, identify why they're feeling lonely or separated, and work on solutions together to bridge that gap. If necessary, seek professional support to help them through the transition.
Social Rejection or Bullying: If your teen has ever faced rejection socially or been subjected to bullying, then you know how separating and isolating it can feel for them.
Social rejection can be as painful as outright bullying but it’s more subtle to identify and label.
Social Media and Technology: technology provides avenues for connection at our fingertips, more than any other time in history. However, it often can have a negative side to it, like when social media contributes to feelings of loneliness.
Have you ever compared yourself to others online, received mean comments, or felt excluded from your online or even in-person social circles based on what you’re seeing on your social feed?
As a teen, when emotional identification and regulation is still under development, feelings of rejection, disconnection, and low self-worth can be magnified.
Technology exposure can magnify these feelings and contribute to loneliness.
Help your teen mitigate time on technology and teach positive emotional management skills to reduce reactive responses.
Disruption of Routine: School closures, remote learning, social distancing measures, and restrictions disrupted normal routines and social gatherings during the COVID19 pandemic. For some young people it was extremely isolating and lonely, and may still has lingering effects now.
Mental Wellness Challenges: Many professionals connect mental health conditions like anxiety and depression as contributors to feelings of loneliness when behaviors of withdrawal and isolation are present.
I also think the inverse can be true. Feelings of loneliness, If not addressed and left to grow, can contribute to developing anxiety or depression. Which is why it’s so important to work on and not ignore.
Lack of Positive Relationships: A lack of positive and supportive relationships with family or friends can contribute to loneliness. If a teen doesn’t have a strong support system at home or feels misunderstood by friends, it can result in withdrawal from social interactions, leading to feelings of isolation.
In these cases, seeking support from mentors or counselors, and developing other outside, positive relationships can help. They may not replace what ‘s missing, but can be a huge help in providing meaningful connections that help increase resiliency and feelings of wellbeing overall.
Family Stress: Increased stress within families due to financial hardships can impact how secure a child feels. Even comparing themselves to other friends and their families, who may seem to be better off, can create a sense of difference and not measuring up.
Uncertainty about the Future: The uncertainty caused by concerns for health, educational outlook, political environment, climate, and international unrest, are all areas teens and young adults become more aware and concerned with, and contribute to both heightened anxiety and feelings of loneliness.
The most important thing is to know that young people don't need to be a victim of their environment. There are numerous healthy coping tools to support them manage positively and productively, when they understand the causes and have.
Reducing feelings of loneliness involves a combination of social, emotional, and self-care strategies.
Combatting Loneliness Requires an Holistic Approach
If one or a combination of these causes are contributing to feelings of loneliness for your child, there are several methods that help decrease feelings of loneliness, and increase feeling connected and loved.
Addressing loneliness requires a holistic approach. It means considering social, emotional, and environmental factors together. But the first step should be focusing on intrinsic factors first, before seeking extrinsic activities or connections.
Your teen’s self-beliefs and self-needs must be aligned first. Otherwise, they’ll always feel lonely and empty no matter how many people they have around or how many activities they’re involved in.
When self-beliefs, worth, and needs, are ignored they can never truly feel connected because they’re not connected with themself first.
Before you encourage your teen to start looking outside themself as a way to decrease loneliness, start within by helping them build self compassion and self-love, first.
5 Growth Strategies for Less Loneliness :
Boost Self-Esteem:
Take a look at your teen’s self-worth. How do they feel about themself and why? Could they benefit from greater self-love and self-esteem? It involves fostering a positive self-image and appreciating their strengths and qualities.
Help them challenge negative beliefs and take inventory of what abilities they have.
· what are their strong suits?
· What are their positive characteristics?
· What do they bring to the table that other people don't?
· how do they shine?
· What makes them stand out?
· What makes them feel good and want to share with others?
This is where self-esteem starts. Focus on positives.
A great way to do this is to have your teen spend 10-20 minutes brainstorming answers to all these questions. Just write without critique, judgement, or edit.ing
Then have them write all the positive qualities and attributes on a new sheet of paper, in a left-hand column. To the right of each of word or phrase, have them write down ways they can leverage their positive attributes, in their daily life.
Encourage them to place their chart in a place that can be a daily reminder of all their positive qualities, and how they can utilize consistently.
2). Increase emotional intelligence
A great tool to help with this is Gloria Willcox’ work called The Feeling Wheel.
It's a simple graphic of a wheel with emotions at the center and feelings as the spokes, yet it's powerful in helping to identify the root emotions of feelings.
The more your teen can label their emotions, the more they’ll be able to address feelings with acceptance, acknowledgment, or action versus being controlled by them.
3. Reducing Negative Self-Talk: We all do it from time to time. but it’s in the teen years when it increases and can take over. Subsequently, negative self-talk and self-criticism, are often linked to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Show your teen how to treat themself with kindness and understanding. Negative self-talk only hurts and can cause greater harm long-term.
This is where self-esteem can be leveraged to reduce negative self-talk.
Here’s a few ways you can help your teen or young adult:
· Try a self-esteem workbook that guides thinking and builds self-worth and confidence
· Promote the practice positive affirmations as part of a daily routine
· Use curiosity, rather than judgement, when your teen uses negative phrases about themselves. Inquire where the negative thoughts may be caming from and if they’re fair or valid.
· Explore new meanings and possibilities to assumptions and generalizations
4). Develop a growth mindset
Often when a young person is lonely is because they’re fearful of stepping out of their comfort zone and into change or the unknown.
Developing a growth mindset moves them out of a stuck state, like a belief things won’t change, or they aren’t capable, and opens the door to new opportunities and more connection.
· Explore with your teen what’s driving their fear and fixed belief.
· Brainstorm solutions that can help them push forward and to change, in a way that feels safe and reasonable
· Encourage progressive steps. Too much all at once can cause retreat
5). Build Resilience:
When a teen develops self-love and self-compassion it contributes to emotional resilience.
Setbacks or social allowing them to help you cope more effectively and prevent prolonged feelings of loneliness.
To build resilience,
· Start by encouraging your teen to be kind to themselves and proud of their individuality
· Allow your teen to make mistakes, don’t rescue them. Point out their humanity and none of us are perfect, which is okay.
· Instead focus on the learning versus being bad or wrong. Identify what good came of it and how they can make improvemnts moving forward
· Teach them to focus on what is within their ability to manage now. Not what happened in the past or what might happen in the future.
Key Takeaway
When your teen takes an holistic apprach by starting with self-oriented strategies and then combining with conventional outward efforts like joining clubs or volunteering for a cause, they can more effectively reduce loneliness. The outcome will be the stronger connections and richer social networks they seek, while increasing overall wellness and happiness.